Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Moving on part II

I moved out of my parents house back in May. Now, bare in mind I’m an only child and I’ve been spoilt my whole life, little old naive me has found ‘adult’ life interesting. Here’s a few things I’ve discovered and learnt whilst being somewhat independent(?)

1. The expense of cleanliness

Washing machine capsules + fabric conditioner = NO FOOD FOR A WEEK. My god I didn’t realise how much money a washing machine literally eats in the space of a month?! I’ve never hunted out cheap deals for bio pods in Tesco so savagely in my life. I see someone eyeing up the last 38 pack of capsules for £5? Oh no I’ve accidentally slipped and pushed your trolley down the entire aisle. Whoops. Better get that. I’ve also never had such an urge to EAT said capsules before. What is it about brightly coloured liquid in a beautiful shaped firm pod makes me want to put it in my mouth so badly? Also, does ANYONE know the right amount of fabric conditioner should go in because I feel like that’s a life long mystery I should go to the mountains of Peru or something and seek out. Hmu on my gofundme to send me on a washing machine/finding myself journey.

2. Expiration dates

So moving up from Somerset to Surrey I knew there would be obvious price changes in fresh produce etc, but I never thought the death of me would be expiration dates (maybe literally???) Myself and my boyfriend like to experiment and make fresh food from scratch a lot as it makes us feel like real adults, so that includes buying lots of fresh ingredients. You’ll normally see us in Tesco at 11pm picking up every crate of red onions trying to find the best expiration date. If we can find some that last for more than 6 days it’s a party, and at least half of our meals for that week have to incorporate red onion just to really embrace the fact the onion won’t start smelling of fart after 3 days.


I say this as I’ve just had to venture to a 24 hour Tesco to pick up a 9 pack of toilet paper just so I can take a piss in peace. Back when I was a wee child I’d have friends who’d parents wouldn’t allow you to use more than a certain amount of strips of toilet roll when you went to the loo and I always thought it was fucking weird. It still is fucking weird but now I understand why they did it, to save precious pee time rather than crying your way to a shop in the middle of the night.

4. Deals are bae

£3.01 for one pack of toilet roll or £6 for 2??? Bargain. Sign. Me. Up. Due to the amount of deals pasta sauce always has on we’ve literally got 6 jars of it in the fridge right now, all of which have been opened and slightly used but it’s fine because iT wAs On A dEaL.

5. Takeaways know you

So, every now and then we’ll get a takeaway as a treat because sometimes washing up is hard, but the other week my worst nightmare came true. Ordered a bad takeaway from JustEat and told them about it, and they replied with ‘I can see you've had a few orders with us now, so I appreciate how unexpected this must be.’ That’s it, they’ve become self aware. Now I feel like my parents whenever they order a Chinese and the person on the other end of the phone goes “OH MR HORRILL!” Although I would like free prawn crackers for this recognition.

6. Glitter is Satan

Now I love a good bath bomb, in fact, for the last few years I’ve been a self acclaimed ‘lushie’ and have taken numerous baths with an obscene amount of bath bombs, but my god the glittery ones cause me headaches. Mum, I’m sorry for all the times I’ve used a bath bomb and left the glittery residue in the bath. No amount of my tears can help remove gold shimmer from the crevices near the taps.

There we have it, a few moans and groans that I’ve developed since being alone in the big wide world. Soon I’ll be talking about taxes and the weather. Sigh.


1 comment

  1. Im no expert, but I believe you just made an excellent point. You certainly fully understand what youre speaking about, and I can truly get behind that. A1 Pioneer